Follow that Roadmap

In a meeting with some of my mediation colleagues last night we discussed a case where the mediator identified so closely with the adults involved in the dispute that she couldn’t separate her feelings about each of their positions from her role as a neutral facilitator and she asked the group for suggestions on how they manage to keep that bright line between empathy and neutrality. This was an experienced mediator sharing this, not someone fresh out of her first clinic experience. Adding to her confusion was the fact that she is also trained as a counselor for these types of clients.  The response from each of the colleagues in the group was consistent and clear: A mediator is a neutral facilitator. Yes, we are human and each of us may have strong feelings about individual parties and the dispute they are involved in but our job is to help the parties identify what their dispute is about and then facilitate a process that helps them find a solution they can live with. A practice tip was offered which is useful in any mediation…set an agenda before the mediation begins; have each of the parties name what they think the conflict is about and what they would like to see happen.  And stick to that roadmap.